What daddies do.....

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother”. - Theodore Hesburgh, American Priest

Husbands and fathers do not get, or take, enough credit for parenting as a whole. After all, their daily life and schedule often does not revolve around chasing a busy toddler, changing and feeding an infant child, schlepping bigger kids to and from school and other activities all the while worrying if the active child is getting a nutritious enough after-school snack. Often that is left to the mother to handle. Does that mean dads are not making a huge impact on their children's development? Absolutely not.

My husband, Josh, is such a great example of this, in my opinion. At this point in our life he works every day, leaving while it is dark and sometimes arriving back after it is dark. I stay home and handle the day to day with the 4 boys. Sometimes Josh may feel like he is the 'silent partner' in our day to day journey to successfully raise the Bigglets to adulthood but he probably has the bigger impact on our young boys than I do, without realizing it.

Yes, I have been known to lose my cell phone, channel changer, car keys, an occasional bag of groceries (of course I usually put them in a very specific place so they wouldn't risk being lost or forgotten....sigh. I did once lose a bottle of snuggle the way home from the grocery store, never did find it, but the suburban smelled disturbingly floral for 3 months!....Oh then there was the time I got a note sent home that we supposedly lost a school book and scoured the whole house for a week, only to find out the teacher forgot to tell me she sent the note to the wrong family!) This may pose a slight irritation to an extremely organized, Type A, engineer minded husband. I am always running late for one thing or another, while he is punctual (we have to be at the movies before the previews even start or it isn't worth going). I like to stay up late, he likes to get up early. I can't make sense of our checkbook, while he loses sleep if it is a penny off. I have made his whites pink, shrunk his favorite sweater and 'accidentally' threw away his favorite pillow. I am spontaneous and can go anywhere at anytime without notice; he likes to have plans set in stone (preferably a week a head of time). I am a nurse and he is likely to faint at the sight of a needle (but is a burly man who can gut a deer without flinching...hmmm?). I am high-energy, buzzing around, not sitting still, always trying to do 3 things at once(usually losing sight of at least one thing...."what did I come in here for again??") I am a woman, so therefore have, ahem, neurotic emotional outbursts slightly more than he probably feels is humanly normal.

Sometimes I think to myself "I must be so annoying for him to be around", because we are so different minded. If I am, you would never know it. He takes my nuances in stride, calling my cell phone, (sometimes up to 5x in an evening!) helping me search for my missing items for hours at end, never making fun of me, or passing judgement, but just shaking his head once the item is found-- "See! I told you I put it in a 'safe' spot!" He allows me to watch my girly TV show (at a low volume of course) while he tries to get some shut-eye before a long day at work. He doesn't push me to be on-time, although he has been known to 'encourage me' to be timely by reminding me (repeatedly) of the exact time while I am getting ready. Josh will patiently "re-teach" me what we are supposed to be doing with our budget or finances, all the while realizing, "yeah...she is never going to catch on to this." He listens intently to me buzz on about a workday even though he could do without some (or all!) of the gory details, and even asks questions! Josh pays attention to me when I talk, so he usually remembers in his steel-trap mind what 3 things I was doing when I lost track of that one thing.... He offers a much needed hug and smile reminding me "They are just boys, and boys are normally loud" and that no, he doesn't think they need to be institutionalized or sent to army boot-camp for wee-ones. Josh takes over with enthusiasm when he gets home from work playing and wrestling with the boys even though he is tired. He opens doors, apologizes when needed, works hard, laughs with me, carries and moves heavy items (over and over again without complaint!) anticipates family need, compliments me, reassures me and cherishes me. Yes, the neurotic me.

"And the greatest of these is love" What more can a father do for his young sons than show them what love can and should be in a marriage? What a blessing marriage can be for the couple invested in it as well as the children who were not yet thought of at the ceremony! I could not do all that I do on a daily basis for those beautiful boys if it were not for the support, love and friendship I get from my husband. He is what makes me a better mother, not my own extra efforts, schedules, snacks, stories or activities. He helps me (without even realizing it) make it through some grueling days to teach them how to become strong young men all the while showing them by his actions.

The other day, leaving the school and without prompting, Ty, Cole, and Bo all grabbed a door to hold open while all three said in unison "Ladies first!" A mom and her two young girls gratefully accepted and said "What gentlemen! That is so great that you have them do that" I just gave her a wink and said "Well, they just might be somebody's future husband ." ....I only hope they are half as great as mine! :)