In exactly 33 hours and 15 minutes my two oldest babies will officially start "school". Oh how it breaks my heart and excites me all at the same time. I see their thirst for learning and eagerness for achievement every day at home. When I saw their eyes light up in their new classroom, with their new teacher, it was enough to melt my heart and break it all at the same time.
It breaks because I am selfish. I want to see their eyes light up everyday as we learn addition and subtraction, make crystals and discover humidity, count the legs on a Roley-poly and classify it, lean to write their best-friends name on a note, recite their commandments from memory, discover why turkeys have gobblers and girls have cooties. I won't get to see their excitement as they learn, discover and imagine, I will hear about it second hand as they recount their day. I am counting every spare second I have with them at home, as mine, untouched by socialization, peer pressure and influence. My boys, not the world's, as my fears tell me they are about to become. But, sigh, this is doubting, and after I finish I must go pray about my doubt and insecurity because that really is not faith....once again.sigh.
My hope and prayers were always to home school these boys. Lots and lots of prayers have gone up begging the Lord to open the window on this adventure for us. He did open it for 3 year old preschool and for part of 4 year old preschool and oh, how we loved our adventures! As we advanced to Junior Kindergarten, the window (and my husband's foot) came down. As much as the Lord and I talked, and begged my husband, they both told me, "No, this is not for them. I have other plans for them." With disappointment and blind faith I had to accept this fact, and I will not be selfish. I will be a mother, and I will do the Lord's work, all with the tick-tock of the clock in my ear, clinging to those moments before the school bell rings.
My heart melts and flutters with happiness and enthusiasm because I don't see shy, hesitant little boys walking into their classroom. I see eager, excited, confident little faces. I know firsthand how much love and kindness and downright goodness they have to share with their teacher and classmates. Their energy (oh, everyone knows how much "energy" they have!) will hopefully electrify the classroom, encouraging even the most hesitant little student to enjoy and celebrate the class discovery of Newton's law of gravity. As much as they have to give to this beginning, they have just as much to gain. Will Cole become an engineer like his daddy? Will Ty study medicine and become "Dr. Hanson's helper"? Will they become paleontologists or biologists, teachers or coaches, pastors, politicians, and daddies? I don't know what the Lord has planned for Ty and Cole's post-school life, but I do know it is something very important, pre-planned and good just for them....and it starts Wednesday at 8:45 am in Mrs. Albert's class.
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